She got furious that her grandmother thought she might want a purse as a gift.  “How could she think I would want a PURSE?!?!  Of COURSE I don’t want a PURSE!!!  WHY would she THINK that?!!!” 

She is 11 years old and furious that anybody would think she might want a purse.  What is the fury about?  Behind anger is usually hurt.  What are the hurts?  Here are a few:

–I am not seen.  My grandmother, who has been so kind and close, does not seem to know me anymore.  Who does she think I am?  She sees someone I don’t recognize as me.  Is this what we’ve come to?  I am in exile, connection is lost; I have been pushed out of my home; I find myself on the ground outside, thrust down, alone.

–Should I want a purse?  Is this what is expected of me?  Is there something wrong with me that I don’t want a purse?  Do other girls want purses?  What would I do with a purse?  Should I know already?  I am all of balance.  What I thought I knew for sure a moment ago is now all called into question.  I am not the kind of person they think I am.

–Will she approve of me if I don’t want a purse?  Will anybody?  Will I be an outcast?  Am I already?  What’s next?  It all feels dangerous.

These are all versions of the same thing:  ruptured connection, disorientation, isolation.

So strong is our need for connection.